RV Living as Communal Living
Back when Mr. Dirtbag Daoist and I were living in a sticks and bricks house, I had a dream. It was the dream of bringing all our friends together to live near one another and have a communal lifestyle, one that involved seeing each other frequently and casually, enjoying meals and having fun together, taking on group projects, and supporting each other through life’s ups and downs, in the personal way that only someone who is physically close to you can.
It’s not an uncommon dream in this age of detached suburbia and nuclear families. People yearn for the kind of easy relationships they might have had in their childhood or in college. My vision wasn’t revolutionary, but still a bit of a unicorn in America and potentially side-eyed when discussed as a logistical reality. The term ‘cult’ might be the first thing to come to mind when we think of a bunch of adults living together, but I insisted on the more marketable term of ‘commune.’
There are many different ways to cohabit with other people (if you’re interested in the different variations, I recommend the Substack blog Supernuclear), the most common of which is co-living in a single home. Having had my fair share of roommates however, this option did not appeal to me. Sharing walls, keeping track of chores, and the often unavoidable power dynamics all can fray at co-housing situation.
Instead I pictured the ideal communal neighborhood, where everyone had their own small housing unit that was privately and uniquely theirs, but shared public spaces and the ability to easily and serendipitously gather, with frequent events and activities to enjoy together. Nothing new in the world of communal living, but it seemed perfect and the next step was to make it a reality.
Unfortunately, as many daydreamers know, crafting your perfect friendship utopia can butt up hard against the realities of all your friends daring to have their own lives. Thanks to my frequent moving, my close friend group was scattered across 5+ states and for some bizarre reason, they all planned to stay where they were for the foreseeable future. I tried to sweeten the pot by scheming of a beautiful international locale that I could lure them all to, which lead to my husband making this meme:
Alas, Mr. DD spoke the truth. Changing the life trajectory of other people is an impossible task.
I gave up on my utopian dreams and settled with changing my own life trajectory and moved into an RV to go drive around the West.
Vehicle living, and nomadism in general, can seem inherently lonely. Traveling from one place to the next, never really belonging to anywhere, always an outsider to communities and established friend groups. And for many nomads, this loneliness is hard to shake, especially in the beginning.
But nomadism can be just as social as regular living, and even more so! Many nomads report of having even more friends and meaningful relationships while on the road than when they lived in one spot.
While it may be harder to break into existing social circles, you already have an established community waiting for you, full of adventurous people eager to make friends themselves- your fellow nomads! Backpackers are already familiar with the buzzing social scene that is a hostel living room, but where can vehicle residents go to find friends, besides chance encounters at campgrounds?
Nomad Events
The easiest way is to join an organization that is made up of other vehicle residents and holds events specifically made for meeting, learning from, and having fun with other travelers.
Here are some popular vehicle resident groups, each catering to different demographics:
An incredible resource and nonprofit for nomads in need, they hold the annual ‘Rubber Tramp Rendezvous’ to teach people how to live on the road. We met our very first nomad friends at the RTR.
A community for RVers with children. I don’t have any personal experience with them, but have heard many positive things.
With events tailored specifically for vanlifers (though all are welcome), JOLT is only one of many vanlife groups helping people gather all over the country.
These are just some of the groups and events where you can make life-long, travel-loving friends. When we first hit the road, I had no idea where to meet people my age. These days, we could spend our entire time on the road going from event to event, meeting more like-minded nomads than we could ever get through, if we wanted.
There are also many online groups where nomads can connect to one another, but I’m a big proponent of meeting people in person, which is why I think the events are invaluable.
But the greatest thing about these events are not necessarily the events themselves, though they are fun. The best thing is that you can meet tons of people you have a common base with, and from there, find those you really connect with. Once the event is over and the dust has settled, you can come away with friends that are able to keep pace with the lifestyle and travel with you.
Traveling Together
I love the peace and stillness of boondocking out in the middle of nowhere, but I discovered I loved that same immersion in nature even more with some friends nearby. While rewarding enough to make up for it, it’s no secret that living off-grid can be challenging. So to have a support system in place when something breaks, to commiserate with when it’s too cloudy to charge solar, to feel comforted by another’s presence during a strong wind storm…these things turn everything challenging about RV living into a communal adventure.
Humans are evolved to help each other in a society and you get such strong sense of that when you’re all trying to hack it in an alternative lifestyle together.
We first starting living with other people after our first Xscapers event in early 2023. Without planning it, we serendipitously found ourselves boondocking outside Joshua Tree near a bunch of other Xscapers and discovered once you know a few people in that community, it’s very easy to run into a whole bunch of them, especially in the winter, when there’s only so many warm places in the US to live outside. From there, we spent several months boondocking with a crew, before all heading our separate ways for summer plans.
We were reunited with one couple from that crew the following autumn and lived next to them in the southern Arizona desert for almost three months. Other RVer friends would swing by and stay next to us for a week here and there. It was just like the easy relationships of youth, where I might look out the window and see my friend walking her dog and jump up to join her. Or we could all text each other to hang out and be doing so without a matter of minutes with no scheduling, no commute, no need to meet at expensive restaurants or other places…outside of our rigs was national wilderness that we could spend a lifetime just being in.
From Arizona, our group (three couples total now) headed south to Mexico to explore a well-trodden, yet still adventurous RVing route through Baja. There, we were tickled pink by how easy it was to run into other RVers we had already met. There’s only one main road running through Baja that all the RVers travel on and we would constantly hop from one beach or town to another to discover we had been following, or were followed by another group we knew. In the relatively isolated town of Loreto, a place I had never been before, I was constantly greeting familiar faces on the street, barely able to walk down half a street before being stopped by someone I knew.
On one popular beach, we had no less than six couples we either knew well or were becoming friends with, and at least 5+ other rigs that we knew peripherally and we could hang out with. I realized that my communal dream had come true…surrounded by friends on an international beach, each with their own living space, but all together in a community, enjoying frequent and casual hangouts and activities. And I didn’t even have to convince them!
Our beach neighborhood full of fellow nomad friends
RV Living Friends
As a nomad ‘career’ progresses, I’ve noticed that RVers tend to shift from visiting tourist spots to traveling with community. Sure, there are still sights to be seen and adventures to be had, but being with friends enhances the memories and breaks up the usual travel routine.
“The more we travel, the more I feel pulled in multiple directions in order to stay connected with all of our favorite people.
A bit of a bittersweet perk to living on the road.”
I think other nomads make great friends specifically because it can be harder to have friendships on the road, and so they are open-minded, welcoming, and always willing to bring new people into their lives. Elsewhere, I have too often found many people have their chosen group of friends that they’ve had for years and that’s it, doors are closed, friend applications are not being accepted.
While old friendships are a beautiful thing (and I have them myself), I do think it’s folly to not keep bringing new people into the fold. Life changes, people change (or don’t change), people move, people die. It’s inevitable and while you don’t want to neglect old friendships in favor of new ones, accepting new people in the mix keeps things fresh and perspectives open.
In my experience, nomad friends also tend to value experiences over things and are more willing to seek out new adventures and quality time with a friend, even traveling hours out of their way to do so. They make use of their time to make new friends, as we are all moving on eventually, just as life does. Time is too precious to be coy.
We met RVers who had been on the road for 10+ years and thought they would be too cool for us relative newbies, which is usually how it goes in groups of varying experience. But instead, they were as eager to travel with us as anyone else, because they knew that it’s a revolving door of who’s on and off the road and you have to continue to keep make connections with active nomads.
Being friends with other nomads is also great for balance. There is a natural seasonality to RVing and people peel off for various routes or to visit other friends and families. This creates space to be apart and give yourself time to recharge socially, travel without compromise, focus on other projects, or whatever you need in life. It might be the only communal lifestyle where if you get over-socialized, you can literally just drive away (in a friendly manner, of course).
See You Down the Road
In vehicle nomad culture, instead of saying goodbye when you part, it’s customary to offer an optimistic “See you down the road.” I love this because it speaks hopefully of a future together, a time when routes will once again, whether serendiptously or eagerly planned, cross. It acknowledges we’re all on our own path, but still headed in the same direction. And there’s always time to make a detour for a friend.
